


What’s in a Venue

by DoubleL27



Series: Wedding Planning: Wild And Wired [1]
Category: Schitt’s Creek
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Post-Season/Series 05, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-27 19:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20766035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoubleL27/pseuds/DoubleL27
Summary: David and Patrick are just beginning wedding planning. The whole town is interested in “helping,” if only anyone had asked.OrFour venues that absolutely will not do, and one that might.





	1. Café Tropical

**Author's Note:**

> This fic happens well before cake tasting. Probably a week after Alexis leaves for the Galapagos. Thank you to this community for being super supportive and to my friend who is getting married and allowing inspiration to take hold.

The engagement announcement had not gone as planed, because as they had proved hundreds of times, his family didn’t know how to keep a secret. However, ruined dramatic announcements aside, David and Patrick were engaged and someone actually wanted to spend the rest of his life with David, which was it’s own kind of miracle. 

Said person was sitting across from him at their usual booth in the diner, laptop open. Today’s shade of blue was a bold choice, bordering on dark teal.David had never quite pictured himself marrying a man whose closet looked like it was a cartoon gag, but then he had never pictured anyone living him long enough to marry him, so...wasn’t going to give his fashion averse fiancé up.Not when Patrick remained the best thing that had ever happened to him, ever. 

Currently, David wanted to bask in the glow of their love and that couldn’t really happen with a laptop in the way. “Could we like,” he gestured in a small circular motion above the computer as Patrick looked up, “Close the laptop and take an actual half-hour away from work?”

Patrick grinned at him and it made David’s insides go all mushy. “Oh, this isn’t for work.I figured we could get a jumpstart on wedding planning. See,” Patrick turned the computer around to show a document that made his eyes hurt to just look upon it. “I made a spreadsheet.”

“Mmm, yes.” David agreed, eyes widening. “A very big one.”

“And,” Patrick did that little head tilt thing he did when he was particularly proud of himself. “I have added a Pivot Table so we can track percent completion for all the major tasks as broken down into their sub tasks.”

David nodded along, proud of his giant nerd. “I have no idea what that means. I am sure it’s really, really good.” 

“So,” Patrick said, turning the laptop back to face himself, “should we start with a date?”

David felt himself cringe a little. Patrick liked a nice, linear decision and a clear path. Wedding planning, party planning in general, but wedding planning specifically, required a much more, big picture then to small details approach. “I mean, it’s going to depend on a lot of different things.Spring and Fall would be the most likely.They offer good light without being too cold. have almost completed the mood board and color schemes.I wish you had let me know.I would have brought them.”

“Are they not digital?Like Pinterest.”

Dear, sweet Jesus! “Ok, look,” David began, palms coming to face the table as he got going on his explanation. “Pinterest is like a start, a jumping off point when you will.But a real mood board is a physical thing.You can compare other real things to it.”

“Of course it is.”

“Excuse me.I just want my-“ Both of Patrick’s eyebrows shot up at the same time David pivoted to say, “our wedding to be perfect.”

“Oh my God, are you wedding planning?” Twyla asked, having silently snuck up beside them. “You know you can get married right here at the cafe.My mom married her second-to-last husband here.” She set plates down in front of them and grinned. David bit his tongue before blurting out _Of course she did._

David glared at Patrick, however, because this was totally why you didn’t start these things in public where anyone could hear. Patrick, continuing to be unhelpful, just said, “Oh?” As if he wanted Twyla to keep going and explain more. He glared harder.Patrick just grinned and shrugged. 

“Yeah!” Twyla exclaimed, clearly excited by the prospect. David looked at Patrick in horror as she continued. “We do it in the little alley way out back, if you want it outside.Then, the menu is a carefully curated menu of 35 options.”

David found himself nodding, the front still fully on his face. “That _is_ quite a limited selection compared to the menu.”

“Well, trying to make 247 different items for one event is a lot,” Twyla told him sincerely, as if he had actually been disappointed. “It’s entirely customizable. You can put your favorites down.Offer whatever you want.”

David just nodded his head like a fucking bobble head and Patrick slid his hand across the table and took David’s in his own.David worked on focusing on the sound of his own breathing and the smile that gently curved Patrick’s face. “If we did it here, David,” the dirty traitor that was possibly his fiancé began, “we would have to get the mozzarella sticks.”

“Oh, you had those on your first date!” Twyla cooed, paying no real attention as David shook his head no rather violently at Patrick. Patrick, who was entirely to blame for this whole mess just stared at him, eyes twinkling because he did love to make David suffer and shoulders shaking softly.“We could do a whole mozzarella stick tower.” 

Twyla paused after that horrifying statement and stared off over there heads, thinking. “I mean, they would probably get soggy and fall over.Maybe if we did them frozen. And just took them down in a made to order sort of way.”

The shudder of revulsion that ran through David’s body couldn’t be helped. He knew his face was carved into a deep scowl. He took a deep breath in and a deep breath out but a vision of melting, cheese sticks and guests falling one by one to food poisoning from melted, gross mozzarella sticks was all he could see.This was a nightmare of epic proportions.Worst, he wasn’t sure he could eat his lunch.David really wanted to eat his lunch.

David felt Patrick’s warm hand squeeze his own in a comforting notion. “Thanks, Twyla. We are just in the very early planning stages. We haven’t even finished our mood boarding or color schemes so it’s too early to pick a real date.”

While David was pretty sure he was being made fun of as Patrick dryly rattled off the things that David had wished to bring earlier, it was a great way to stop this whole mess of a conversation from getting worse.David opened his eyes and gave Twyla what he knew was a super fake smile and nodded.He didn’t trust himself to open his mouth yet. 

Twyla bobbed her head at them with a half smile. “Well, keep us in mind. It would really be bringing everything full circle.”

“Mmhmm.” David managed, his face still frozen. Without changing his expression he turned his gaze back to his fiancé. 

“What?” Patrick asked, once Twyla was out of earshot, unable to hide the chuckle that escaped from his lips.He knew exactly what. 

“Twyla nearly had us booked for a back-alley wedding. A back alley!” He repeated for emphasis, hating the squeaky tone his voice had taken on.Thank fuck that Stevie was not here and Alexis was off on her excellent adventure with Ted. They would join Patrick in teasing him. 

“It would be kind of romantic,” Patrick said dryly.How the man could keep his poker face at nearly all times was so fucking sexy. Damn him. Patrick was trying to sarcastic him out of being mad. 

David took his hand back, picking up a franch fry. He was very possibly hungry after all. “No,” he stated primly, biting off the tip of the fry. “There would be food poisoning and alley cats.”

“Do the alley cats contribute to the food poisoning?” Patrick asked, reaching across to try and steal a fry.

David slapped Patrick’s hand away. Those who started discussions about weddings that lead to visions of food poisoning did not deserve fried. “Shut up.”


	2. Rosebud Motel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Johnny has an idea.

Patrick pulled the sedan up in front of the motel, dusk had just really settled. David leaned over and pressed a kiss to Patrick’s mouth. It was amazing to believe it had been years since the first time he had kissed Patrick, right out here. “Thanks, I just need to change out a few things.”

Patrick licked his lips, before biting the lower one. David hoped Patrick was picturing what they would get up to tonight. There was a heat in his eyes, but his voice was soft when he said, “You know I don’t mind.”

They both unbuckled their seatbelts and unfolded from the car. The night air was warm and David nearly regretted his sweater choice that morning. He took out his keys and opened the door to the room that had been home for the last five years. It was weird to not have a giant pile of Alexis stuff in the corner.

“We are going to have to figure out this whole living together thing,” he reminded Patrick, flipping in the lights as he crossed the threshold. “I mean, I suppose I could use this room as my closet until we find a bigger place.”

“Don’t you think your Dad and Stevie would like to rent it out?” Patrick asked, following him inside and shutting the door behind him. “As, you know, part of the business?”

“Probably,” David said, waving that complication away with his left hand as his right grabbed one of his duffle bags. “But don’t think we can talk Ray into allowing us to have Ronnie build is new closets. Also,” he said, beginning to pluck though his closet. “Alexis is coming home.”

Patrick just stared at him, sit torn down at the small table. “One, we have no space for new closets. Two, I doubt Ronnie would build me anything ever again.”

David looked back over his shoulder at his fiancé sitting casually in . “Especially after you broke the bathroom so soon after she finished it.”

“Your sister and Ted broke the bathroom having sex on our sink.”

“Ugh!” David said, pausing from packing fresh clothes, and waved his hands on either side of his face while trying to clear the mental image he definitely did not want. “Don’t remind me.”

They were probably breaking things all over the Galapagos. That’s Galapa-gross, he thought in a weird hybrid of Ted and Alexis’s voices. Ugh. The worst. 

“Ah, boys,” David’s dad said coming through the open door between their room and David’s. “I thought I heard you in there.”

David startled from his closet and towards the interloper in his room. “Um, Dad. Are we just keeping the door open all the time now? No knocking?”

“Well, David,” his father said, a frown creasing his face, “with your sister gone with Ted for the next six months and you practically living at Patrick’s, your mom and I have been using the space a little more, yes. This wasn’t what I came to talk to you about.”

“It wasn’t?” He asked with fake shock and rolled his eyes. 

Johnny Rose only flinched a little, pursing his lips before continuing. “Well, as you know the Rosebud Motel is booking up to capacity, thanks to roll outs and social medias like tweeter and The Gram, and I was thinking about what’s next.”

“Yup.” David agreed, turning back to deciding which black sweater he was taking back to Patrick’s with him.

“So, I was thinking that maybe we could host weddings.” David just stared at his dad, who was standing in the room, arms wide and grinning. It was the signature Johnny Rose, Isn’t that amazing, pose.

David shook his head to clear his thoughts. “What?!”

“And,” Johnny continued, swallowing nervously, “you know, it might really help things out if we had a wedding first to help with advertising it as an option here. You know, really help people get the picture. So, Stevie-“

“Stevie!?” David asked, blinking. He knew his chin was doing that thing where he pulled in and probably had a double chin. He looked to Patrick, who was seated behind his father, hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. Bastard. David jerked his head at Johnny Rose, important manager, but Patrick just stayed silent. 

“We were talking,” his dad continued, “and we thought it might be lovely if you and Patrick got married here.”

“Here? Here at this motel?” He asked, making each syllable pronounced as he pointed at the ground under his feet. 

David couldn’t figure out who he was going to murder first. His father, for thinking that anyone, ANYONE, would want to host a wedding on the lawn of what was now a whole two star motel. Stevie, for being the asshole who mentioned that with David and Patrick getting married, the hotel could use them as promotion. Or, if his dad had thought it up, not shooting it down or warning him. Lastly, Patrick, for sitting there and not doing a damn thing to help. 

“Yes.” His father grinned at him, his eyes forming deep crinkles in the corners. “We could do it on the back lawn.”

“Would we call it a lawn?” David asked.

He was ignored, his father on a full roll. “We could do a full ceremony space, a beautiful chuppah, and a tent for the reception.”

“Patrick? Thoughts?” David asked, his voice sounding high and strangled as he glared at his silent but laughing fiancé. David was not going to be the only one made to suffer. 

“Yes,” Johnny said, his voice full of joy and excitement, turning on his future son-in-law. “Can’t do this without both grooms opinions. David has very strong opinions, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get to voice yours.”

Patrick startled into a more alert position. David watched as Patrick brought a fist to his mouth and coughed, a clear stalling tactic. Especially as, for some reason, David realized his Dad had set his hopes on Patrick agreeing with him. Patrick had also realized it. 

“Well, Mr. Rose—“

“Johnny, son, go on and call me Johnny. You’re going to be my son soon enough.”

“Thank you, uh, Johnny.” Patrick said, his voice still not steady. “The thing is, David is still working on his mood board. We don’t even have a date.”

“Ah yes, the mood board.” Johnny said, the nostalgia creeping into his voice, “I bought him a full presentation board once, thought he was going to be in the science fair. It was really a mood board for his bar mitzvah.”

“Exactly, and David really is the visionary in our relationship.” Patrick said, looking around Johnny to give David a smile filled with affection and love. David felt all the negative feelings in his heart melt. “I’m the numbers guy. I have a rough idea of budget, but most of it is really going to be going for food and the cake. If you would write up a full proposal for us: rough estimates of numbers, including what vendors you plan on sourcing, what are our responsibilities, what flowers are allowed, hours for the rental, exclusive use of the motel. You know, the usual, we’ll let you know.”

David didn’t even breathe as Patrick’s full request hung in the air. The silence was broken by some stammering. “I...uh...I hadn’t really gotten that far. I figured it would be a little less formal.”

“Ah,” Patrick said, in that warm, knowing tone. “See, here’s the thing. We are family, but I would never want to take advantage of you. Businessman to businessman.”

David’s dad looked confused, like he knew he had been outflanked but couldn’t figure out how. “That’s very fair of you, Patrick. I will get back to you.”

With that, David watched as his father backed out of the room and closed the adjoining door. He turned back to Patrick, and knew his eyes were wide. 

“I can’t believe that worked,” Patrick said more to himself than David. 

“You. Have. Never.” David began crossing the room, slowly stalking his quarry. “Been. More. Sexy.” He reached the table as Patrick stood up. “To. Me.” David grabbed the lapels of the boldly tealed shirt and pulled Patrick closer, “Than. You. Are.” He pressed his lips to the bit of chest that had been driving him crazy for the last hour. “Right. Now.”

Then, he swiftly captured Patrick’s lips with his own. Arms closed around his back and David felt the warmth of their bodies pressing together. 

“I may have done some preliminary venue scouting,” Patrick whispered back between kisses. “Just to get ballpark figures, know what we were responsible for.”

David pushed back and grinned at Patrick. “I forgive you for starting this whole mess by mentioning wedding planning where Twyla could hear.”

“I don’t think Twyla told your dad,” Patrick said frowning at him. “In fact-“

David cut off Patrick with a kiss, knowing he was going to insist that David had been taking mood boards when Twyla had shown up. He swept his tongue through Patrick’s mouth and reached a hand down to start unbuttoning Patrick’s pants where they were clearly too tight. “Let’s stay here tonight. I don’t know if I can wait until we get back to the apartment.”

“David,” Patrick panted out as David moved his mouth along Patrick’s jawline. Little hairs were growing back, causing his lips to tingle. “I am not making love to you with your parents on the other side of that wall.”

David scraped his teeth along Patrick’s neck, causing him to shudder. “The bed isn’t against it,” David argued. 

He could feel Patrick giving in as his body melted against David’s. One of Patrick’s hands had traveled up and was holding him close. David had managed to get one Patrick’s pants unzipped and was reaching down to help scratch an itch, when the door behind them opened. 

“David, darling, your father said—“ David and Patrick had both frozen but David now knew his mom had seen them. David removed his hand and used it to bring Patrick in closer. “Oh, hello, Patrick.”

Patrick buried his head against David’s chest and mumbled something that might have been a hello or a moan, as he turned his head to look at his mother. “What?” he hissed, horrified. 

“Well,” his mother said dismayed, “you haven’t been home in weeks-“

“Three days,” David corrected her. 

She pouted at him as only Moira Rose could. “And sometimes a mother needs her son.”

“We had lunch yesterday.”

She sighed in frustration. “I need your opinion on an ensemble.”

There it was. There it was. David shook his head no at his mother. He reached down and carefully zipped Patrick’s pants back up. “We have to go. Patrick isn’t feeling well and I am taking him home.”

Moira Rose cocked her head and grinned in a way that had a shiver running down his spine. “Is that why you were taking his temperature with your tongue? I am sure our sweet Patrick-“

“Our?!”

“Can wait a few minutes to receive your tender ministrations.” She said it so slowly, there was no doubt what she meant. 

“Dear God!” David exclaimed, horrified. He knew his parents enjoyed sex but they didn’t have to go around embarrassing their son and his fiancé. He could practically feel the heat of Patrick’s blush though his shirt. 

“It will only take two shakes,” she insisted, moving back through the open doorway. “Be right back!”

Patrick pushed back out of David’s arms, face beet red and with the color trailing all the way down to his shirt collar. “David,” Patrick ground out in an authoritative voice that would have been sexy if his mom wasn’t going to come back in a minute. “Go throw clothes in that duffle bag right now and meet me in the car in five minutes or less or I am leaving you here.”

With that, Patrick was out the door like a shot, the door slamming behind him. 

“Fuck!”


	3. Ray Butani LLC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David doesn’t believe in talking to anyone before 10 AM. Ray Butani LLC is definitely not one he would make exceptions for.

Leaning up, David nipped Patrick’s bare shoulder.He heard a stifled groan and smiled against the other man’s warm, freckled skin. He let his fingers creep around his fiancé’s side, to begin to play with his warm chest. 

“Stores don’t open themselves, David.”

“Our store doesn’t open for,” David craned his neck around to see the time on Patrick’s watch, “Another two hours.There’s time.” He kissed Patrick’s shoulder again, taking tiny nibbles as he made his way up to Patrick’s neck, the sensitive part just under his ear.He was rewarded with a tiny mewling sound slipping out from between Patrick’s lips. 

While David was never going to become a morning person, he had warmed up to the concept of morning sex. Particularly summer mornings, where the sun was already peeking around the heavy curtains and he didn’t mind losing the sheet. Patrick’s alarm went off at unholy hours, and if David wasn’t exhausted, it was worth trying to see where they could go before Patrick couldn’t stand not being up.The time kept extending, which pleased David greatly. 

David continued paying careful attention to Patrick’s neck as his hand wrapped around to stroke his fiancé’s chest. He wondered how mad Patrick would be if he left a hickey. It would be worth it, David decided, sucking harder. 

Patrick groaned as David sucked at his neck before grounding out, “We already had an amazing round this morning.”

“Yes,” David agreed, his smile deepening as he remembered the sweet, slow round of sex that had followed Patrick’s early alarm. He turned Patrick’s face to face his own and could see that his fiancé’s resolve to get up was mostly for show. “and your recovery alarm just went off, so I know it’s time for round two.”

Patrick tried to look serious, but it was hard to do that when David was playing with his nipple. “It’s a shower alarm.”

David grinned deeper and leaned in for a gentle kiss. “That works.”

“David.”

“Patrick,” David whispered against his lips before going in for a deeper kiss. 

A knock on the door startled both of them apart.They looked at each other with wild eyes.David was having flashbacks to his early days of experimenting hoping none of the staff would catch him with whoever he brought home. “Knock, knock, it’s your friendly neighborhood landlord.”Keys jingled in the hallway. 

“Fuck!” David hissed as he pulled the covers up over his head and had flashbacks to trying to have sex at Ray’s.

“Ray,” Patrick began, in a voice that was higher pitched than normal. “We have talked about this. You legally need to give 24 hours notice before coming over. Do not open that door.”

“Oh,” a disappointed Ray said, “a friendly neighbor visit then?You can open the door.” Ray sounded gracious as if he was doing them a favor. 

David shifted the blanket to glare at Patrick and shake his head vehemently back and forth. Patrick gave a helpless shrug.David slid back under the covers and thought every swear he had ever heard in succession as Patrick called out, “Give me three minutes and then you can have ten.Just ten, and then I really have to get ready for work, Ray.”

The bed shifted, springing back up. David could hear Patrick pulling on clothes from inside his cocoon and had a sneaking suspicion that they were, eww, dirty. He was just going to remain here, possibly forever.If he became one with the mattress, maybe he could convince Patrick to bring him food here.Yes, he would become a warm bed being and never leave the house ever again. 

Patrick had other ideas. “David, put on clothes.”

David peeled the covers back to stare incredulously at the man he loved, standing there in a wrinkled “What? No!If we are not going to have sex then I am at least going to sleep.”

“David,” Patrick said in the tone of voice that came out right before he lost his patience. “I am letting Ray in in 2 minutes. Put on clothes.”

“I don’t...” The words  _want to_ died on his lips and instead David went with what he really wanted. “We were going to have sex,” David hissed incredulously.

Patrick nodded at him, trying to put pants back on. “And Ray has keys to our apartment and we both know he is not afraid to use them, no matter what was said, put on clothes.”

Keys jingled ominously in the hallway, as if Ray could hear them. “Fine!”

Patrick stalked away from the bed and David stuck his tongue out at Patrick’s back. He grabbed for his nearly folded sweater at the end of the bed and he could hear Patrick fiddling around in the kitchen.Looking up, David noticed he had turned on the Kurig for David before filling the electric kettle with water for his own tea. Patrick might have trouble saying no outright to Ray, but he was still the best kind of fiancé. David went to grab clean underwear. 

Patrick somehow managed to get a full six minutes out of Ray waiting in the hallway, which was enough time to press a hot mug of coffee into David’s hands.David sipped it, comforter wrapped around his body as he glared at the door in anger. There was not enough coffee that would really make up for losing out on sex. Patrick managed to at least pretend to be cordial as he opened the door to Ray’s grinning face. 

“Ray, what a surprise,” Patrick said as a greeting. It was his fake polite voice that he trotted out whenever he was pissed and didn’t want people to know “Why don’t you come in for  ten minutes.”

“Thank you, Patrick.” Day bustled in with an overflowing binder in his arms. “I hope I am not an imposition.”

It was an actual farce. David felt they should have been on a stage with an audience laughing.His mother would be clapping in the wings. 

“At eight in the morning, never. What brings you by, Ray?” David asked, tone sharp and cutting. “Landlording things: building is structurally unsound, we are in danger of carbon monoxide poisoning. We are currently poisoned and this is all a hallucination.”

“Oh no, David.” Ray said, waving at hand at them to dismiss that notion. “You are quite safe.”

“Then, what brings you by, Ray?” Patrick asked, desperation still lacing his voice. 

“Ah, I had stopped in the cafe this morning and Twyla mentioned that you were wedding planning.”

“Mmm, Twyla.” David muttered into his coffee mug. 

“So, as the person who is responsible for getting you two crazy kids together, I thought I would come over with some ideas.” He patted the stuffed binder against his chest proudly. 

“Did you?” David asked. 

“Yes,” Ray opened the binder he had placed on the IKEA island and began removing things from it. “First, an exclusive discount on engagement and wedding photos.”

David picked up the pamphlet with the discount coupon attached to the front.He read it quietly before flipping it to show Patrick. “Oh, a whole ten percent.So generous, Ray.”

Ray reached in to the binder and pulled out some property listing sheets. “I also wanted to show you some properties I own that you might want to use as a venue.” He touched David and David just stared at the offending hand. Ray then leaned in and began talking to David in a sympathetic tone. “Let’s be honest, Cafe Tropical isn’t really the best choice.”

While David agreed with Ray he wasn’t going to say it to the person who had ruined a perfectly good morning of sex and cuddles and then a nap. To make himself feel better, he just looked at Ray, hoping he could stare Ray out of the touching.

Instead, a paper was placed in front of David on the island. “There’s this lovely gazebo in a lot out on Rt. 25.”

“A lot,” Patrick repeated as they both stared at the picture of a gazebo in a field of what David would only describe as monster weeds. The gazebo needed at least three coats of paint and the field would need a tractor to mow it. 

Ray continued on, “There’s also this lovely spot with a manor house.”

Another page was placed in front of him and David would have given anything for Stevie to have shown up with weed at this very moment so he could be high for this. He looked at the photo of a sad house on another unmanicured lot. “Would we call it a manor house or is it just a colonial?”

Ray just beamed at him. “It was built in 1955 and has very historically replicated amenities.”

Run down and rusted inside, David translated.Perfect. The shutters were hanging at various jaunty angles. This was not good. This was awful. 

“And this—“

There’s more, David thought incredulously but didn’t say because he was pretty sure his earlier theory of being dead was real.He was in hell and this was going to continue forever. 

“You know what, Ray,” Patrick mercifully interjected, placing a stilling hand on Ray’s arm before another pamphlet could come out of the binder. “David and I really appreciate everything but it’s getting late and we have a business to go open. So, why don’t you leave all the brochures here with us and we’ll think about it.”

David had already thought very hard about it. The answer was no. 

“Oh, sure. I have to get back anyway. I will just leave this here.” Ray gave the binder an affectionate pat.David looked at the offending binder, hoping it didn’t just randomly spew terrible wedding locales, but thankfully Patrick began subtly guiding Ray towards the door. “Enjoy your day.Call any time.I look forward to working with you.”

The door shut behind him and was promptly locked and bolted.Patrick leaned against it wild eyed and David took that opportunity to shove all of the materials off the counter and straight into the waste bin. 

“David, save the photography one. We can probably bargain him down to at least 25%.”

The first time he had met Patrick, David had walked in to one of Ray’s photography sections.David had already seen what that session would be like.“ _Look at him but don’t really look at him, look at me._”  David shared aloud, sarcastically. “_Hold the lotion. Enjoy the lotion.Pick up some cheese.”_

“David,” Patrick laughed and David could tell it was despite himself. He pushed off from the door and walked towards David. He wrapped his hand around David’s and tugged.“Come on, shower time.”

David’s eyebrow raised up to his hairline. He let the blanket fall to the floor and refused to think about his need to pick it up and fold it.Shower sex was back on the table. “Really? It won’t mess with your schedule.”

“You were very patient and only a little sarcastic. You deserve a reward.”

“Okay.” David wanted to pull Patrick close bit then took a look at what he was wearing.Nope. One giant nope. “Take off those dirty clothes.”

Patrick grinned before his face disappeared as the navy blue tee shirt was lifted over his head. “Did you want me to put clean clothes in a dirty body? It’s a waste.”

David reveled in the sight of Patrick shirtless. God, this man wanted to spend his life with David of all people. “Any clothes on your body is a waste.” 

“Come on,” Patrick said, reaching back out and grabbing David’s hand. Patrick tugged and David allowed him to be pulled towards the bathroom. “Times wasting.”

“You do know I am going back to bed after this, will shower again and complete my morning routine before I come into work.”

“I know.” Patrick said, warmth infused in his voice. David watched as his fiancé lifted their joined hands and kissed David’s tenderly. “I expect nothing less.”

David dropped his head back, eyes closed in pure pleasure. That stupid soft and mushy feeling threatened to take over his whole body. Damn it.He was not going to cry before noon over something as simple as just being known by his person, entirely.The hand kiss might push him over the edge. 

His hand was dropped and David opened his eyes at the loss of contact.He was rewarded by Patrick removing his boxers, however. He just enjoyed the view as Patrick leaned over to turn on the shower.The sound of water hissing and starting to pound against the shower tiles made a shiver go down his spine. 

If he had to suffer through Ray before regular humans were awake to be gifted with no arguing shower sex, well, it was almost worth it. 


	4. The Elmdale Bingo Hall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are entire groups of people David would never take advice from. The Schitts are one such example.

Around 3:00 PM every day the store got quiet. People would be picking kids up from school or finishing up work. It was a predictable lull that allowed someone to go get caffeine from the cafe and someone to hold down the store. 

David never minded staying behind. It was a chance to make sure all the displays were clean and neat. It was also the perfect time to correct any merchandising experiments Patrick had tried in the morning before David came in. 

“Hey!” A voice called out along with a clattering sound. 

David looked up from the neat row of lip balms he had just organized at the correct spot at the cash. “Joselyn, And little Roland.” Right in time to ruin his plans to remove the small collection of hardware supplies that had gathered in the front window. 

The bell rang again. “Hey Dave!”

Fuck. 

“And big Roland! It’s a family affair.” David said, false smile in place, arms totally in a semi-welcoming, position. “What are we looking for?” he asked, his hands landing fisted on his hips. 

“Just some massage oil.”He never should have asked, especially as Jocelyn leaned over, with her hands covering her face from anyone else’s view and stage whispered, “Rollie can’t get enough of it.We may need to start ordering stuff with a regular delivery.”

That was an image he did not need. “I am glad you are enjoying the store.”

“Dave!” Roland shouted from across the store.If it were someone he actually liked he would have replied  I’m right here but it was best not to engage her. “Can we get in buttered popcorn flavor?”

David cringed. “As I have told you previously, I will send all feedback on to the supplier and if demand is enough I am sure they will see what they can do.”

Hopefully, not much, David thought sourly. Now he had pictures in his head he did not need.Instead, he thought back to that morning’s shower interlude with Patrick. 

“So,” Jocelyn said, interrupting pleasant memories, and rudely bringing him back to this moment. “I see you still have a lot of nice decorating stuff.”

“Yup.”

Things clattered in a corner and David closed his eyes. If Roland knocked over another display David was going to murder him. Well, really, he was going to pay one of Twyla’s second cousins to murder Roland. Yes. That would be the plan. 

“Must make you excited to think about decorating your wedding venue,” Jocelyn said, interrupting his murder plans. 

The word venue sent warning tingles though David.He had done this three times already and he was getting really tired. Where the fuck was Patrick?He would have to try one of those tactics that Patrick used to get people to stop. “We are still in the pre-planning phases, really,” he explained, hands waving along with his nerves. “Trying to decide what exactly a wedding looks like for us.Colors, mood, tone.”

Jocelyn kept grinning at him.Why couldn’t he convince people to leave him alone? “I heard.Twyla mentioned you were considering the cafe.”

“Mmm, did she?” Maybe he would just have Twyla killed. 

“And I was thinking,” Jocelyn said, leaning over and touching his arm. David froze and stared at her hand as she kept babbling. “You should really check out where Rollie and I got married.It’s the Elmdale Bingo Hall.” 

Why the fuck did people think they could just touch him?Did he have a sign on him today that said, I welcome all your germy hands? 

Silence stretched between them and David realized Jocelyn was waiting for him to reply.“Oh, should I?” He asked, shaking off Jocelyn’s hand and moving behind the cash wrap to put space between them. 

“Yes.It’s the perfect little hall.” Jocelyn said grinning at him, clearly lost in her own memories.If David had married Roland in a bingo hall, he would have been in hell. “Cleans up real nice. The folding chairs are from like 1960, but as long as you get some good covers you should be fine. Only one collapsed in on someone.”

David frowned at Jocelyn, trying to figure out how she thought any of that sounded like something anyone would want. “Shouldn’t they have bought new ones since - you know - you got married.”

“No.” Jocelyn said, waving away that thought. “The bingo hall isn’t as fancy as all that.Oh, and you just need to do some wall hangings.There’s still a big slash in the retractable wall from Twyla’s uncle at our wedding.”

This was sounding worse and worse.There was probably black mold and asbestos, that his gracious performance with his mom did not get removed.The paint was probably all lead.A death trap of a building, really. He could not get married in a death trap. 

Roland strutted over to the cash and dropped seven bottles of massage oils onto the counter precisely so they began rolling in various ways. David scrambled to right them all before any fell off the counter. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Roland sidle up to Jocelyn and wrap an arm around her. “What’s up?”

Jocelyn grinned at Roland, and her eyes went soft with love. “I was just telling David about our wedding.”

“Best day of my life.” Roland said, grinning down at Jocelyn. “We really did it up. We had stroganoff casserole and Joce got these really sparkly table thingies-“

“Centerpieces,” Jocelyn added helpfully. 

“Yeah, from the Dollar Store.” What was their obsession with the Dollar Store?And why would anyone ever think he wanted that in his life. “They’ve got little weights and have the crinkly paper wrapped around them.They had these bits that stuck up and wouldn’t knock over.I think I flicked the little bride so she shook a million times.”

Eww! David closed his eyes and tried to think happy thoughts. 

“Babe, wait, don’t you have pictures in your purse.”

“Oh yeah.” David opened his eyes and watched as Jocelyn began digging in her purse. “My sister is getting re-married and we were talking about keeping her wedding to $500.Here we go.”

David was handed an envelope filled stack of pictures.The bingo hall looked like it had been run down in 1960 when the chairs had been purchased and by the time Jocelyn and Roland had gotten married there in 1990, it looked awful. 

They were pictured in there as well, younger versions of their current selves. Jocelyn had what was her previous, well-known haircut and a fake flower bouquet that she had made herself. Roland had a little more hair, a little less beer gut and stains on his button down shirt. 

“We probably still have the decorations in the attic.If you want-“

“Mmm, like I said—“ The door bell jingled, stopping David mid sentence. A vision in sky blue arrived carrying to-go coffee. “Patrick!” Did he sound desperate?Did he care?

Thank sweet baby Jesus. He was saved by a handsome man in a robin’s egg button down and pleated khakis. Patrick’s brown eyes softened as he focused on the group at the cash. 

“Hey babe.Roland, Jocelyn, little Roland.” He stepped behind the cash with David and placed his own tea down in the counter to wrap his arm around David’s waist and pass him the other cup.“Coffee.”

David cupped the coffee in both hands and took a sip rather than have to be involved in anything that was happening. “Thank you,” he whispered gratefully to Patrick. 

“We were just telling David all about our wedding,” Jocelyn told Patrick, all excitement and ruining David’s peaceful moment. “Our venue was such a cute little hall.”

“Best day of my life,” Roland said again. “We are more than willing to let you borrow our old decorations.”

David shuddered, again, he couldn’t help it. There was no way in hell he was having thirty-year-old Dollar Store decorations at his wedding. He may not be having the wedding if his childhood dreams, but he was not stooping so low. 

“Oh,” Patrick breathed, giving David a squeeze around the waist. “You know what, David and I couldn’t possibly take your wedding decorations.Those are your own personal, family treasures. If anything happened to them at our wedding, we would never forgive ourselves.”

“ I mean, there is a chance that the ‘coon family we had in the attic from 99-2013 already got ‘em. Besides, we’re family. I mean, we are practically Dave’s godparents.”

“No.” David shook his head in horror. Why was he trapped here? Today was supposed to get better after Ray. Raccoons and asbestos were not on the menu. 

“You know what, we’ll think about it.”Patrick looked down at the counter. The large array of massage oil was still there, waiting to be rung up and featuring in David’s nightmares. “Why don’t we ring this up so you can get on with your day and we will let you know when we make a decision.”

“Thanks, Pat.” Roland leaned on the counter and whispered as quietly as his wife usually did, “Can we get the friends and family discount?”

Patrick began scanning the oils. “If you buy a case, we’ll discount you 15%. You’d need to pick out five more.”

Roland sprang back off the counter and stared at Patrick. “That’s highway robbery!”

“Next time then,” Patrick agreed, not at all flustered. 

Patrick just continued affably packing the massage oils into a box. Roland grumbled but handed over his credit card. Within moments Roland and Jocelyn we’re struggling out the door with their box of oils and stroller, compete with baby, and David sagged against the counter.His hands came up to cover his face. 

“Did you need a rescue? Was I in time?Will you live?” Patrick asked,exaggerated frown on his face as he mocked David’s pain. 

“I might not.”David rubbed his hands over his face before letting them fall. “I might never recover from that. You weren’t here when Roland talked about flicking the bride until she shook.”

“What?”

“Exactly.” David straightened and wrapped his arms around Patrick and inhaled.“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Patrick murmured back, a comforting hand rubbing over his back. “I didn’t do much.”

“You got rid of them. It was more than enough.”

He held on to Patrick another few seconds but while he had calmed down from the whole Roland thing, he was still mad about the whole thing. He pulled back and fluttered his hands. “Ughh!Now I feel like we have to just pick a place to shut people up when they offer another terrible venue.”

Patrick leaned up to give him a quick kiss and just smiled back at David. “Well, you will have plenty of time to think of that tonight when you close.”

“Umm, where will you be?”

“At home, David. You see,” David watched as he was carefully patted, like a child. “When one partner doesn’t come in until 1:00, and takes a three hour nap, they can close alone.”

“Patrick!” 

Patrick poured at him and mockingly wined back, “David!”

“I told you I was going to take a nap.”

“Yes,” Patrick agreed. “And one expects that to take one hour not three.”

Patrick strode from behind the counter towards the many ruined displays that David had set up before the Schitts had entered and upended his day.David was trying to think of a retort that didn’t make him sound like an complete asshole, when Patrick quipped, “Besides, it’ll give you time to figure out what you want to do with my new display.”


	5. I Don’t Hate This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, all you need is some perspective, friends and a good meal. 
> 
> or
> 
> David doesn’t hate everyone this time.

David looked around the store and was satisfied. The stupid hardware display had looked, not terrible, at the front of the store, but it now looked much better down on the back wall, but still using the buckets. David wasn’t even sorry that he’d closed up alone. Patrick going home early just meant that Patrick had probably started dinner.All and all, not a bad deal for not having to leave the apartment before noon, David thought to himself as he carefully locked the storefront behind him. 

Who would have thought that walking in to Ray’s to fill out incorporation papers would have lead here?David had envisioned this store, so many times, before it had become a reality, he wasn’t surprised what it looked like. The surprise was that he had been successful on his own—well, mostly own. The Roses were not responsible for this success. He wasn’t sure he would have managed it without Patrick: filling out paperwork, fixing lights, calling electricians in to really fix lights, keeping copious records and really keeping David from veering off the path. 

Patrick who had been the first person he had ever bared himself to, who he didn’t know yet, and had believed in him anyways, just on the power of what he had said and not a little bit because he loved him. 

That had come later. 

He just needed to get everyone to get off his case about the venue and planning. He would make decisions-they- but mostly he would make decisions and in their own time and own way.And he would use his mood board, damn anyone who questioned it. 

David hadn’t got more than a few blocks when his pocket had buzzed. He dug it out when he got across the street and was not surprised by the name who was attached to the text. 

**Stevie**: So, made any decisions on where the wedding will be? 

The hand emojis that came with his phone didn’t begin to cover what David wanted to say to her right now.Eyes narrowed, he typed quickly instead and hit send. 

**David**: I hate you so much right now. 

**Stevie**: Is that why you didn’t stop in to say hi?

David began typing and then quickly deleted. He stared at the text. It wasn’t that he was mad at Stevie. He was, but that wouldn’t keep him away. 

**David**: I literally cannot go in there without my Dad trying to talk me through the proposal Patrick wants him to write up. 

**David**: Thanks for that. 

He walked, shoulders hunched, as he continued heading home. Wasn’t worth mentioning that his mother had also embarrassed him within an inch of his life and Patrick, too, so he wouldn’t be going home. 

**Stevie**: I’m sorry!

**Stevie**: Your dad was talking about weddings being our next market to conquer and he wanted to host one. 

**Stevie**: So I said, shame we don’t know anyone getting married. 

**Stevie**: and the. He thought of you and Patrick and got so excited, I couldn’t tell him no. 

David could picture it perfectly. And as Stevie, like him, was not used to having people stick around because they, like, actually liked you; she still tended to believe the Roses might not stay. 

**David**: You could have given me a heads up. 

**Stevie**: And ruin the fun?

**David**: 😒

David put the phone in his pocket and kept walking. Ugh. Why did everyone enjoy flustering him? 

His pocket vibrated again.

**Stevie**: FYI, your dad and Roland have a bet going on whether you’ll get married at the motel or at the bingo hall. 

“Why?!” He yelled, to no one in particular. That garnered him more stares from the other pedestrians enjoying the summer evening. David hunched himself further as Stevie texted again.

**Stevie**: So, you know, continue avoiding the motel. 

**Stevie**: But meet me for lunch tomorrow?

**David**: Yes. You can buy to make it up to me. 

**Stevie**:  🙄

When David opened the door to the apartment the aroma of pasta and fresh pesto greeted him. Thank God, he was never going to starve living with this man who actually knew how to cook. He should really thank Marcy. 

“So, but, like, it looks ok?” Alexis’ voice came through, tinny, and David realized that Patrick had the laptop open on the bar top and was smiling at the screen. 

“It looks great, Alexis.Really.Just make the edits we discussed and you should be good.”

“Ooh, you’re the best,” Alexis squealed.“Thanks, Patrick.”

David dropped his duffle in its usual space by the door, and began crossing the room. “Um, excuse me?”

Patrick looked up and smiled. The tender expression in Patrick’s face was juxtaposed perfectly with Alexis’s happy screech.“David, get over here so I can see your stupid face!”

David came around to stand next to Patrick and was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek. His sister, squealed, again, and waved though the screen. “Hi!Isn’t this fun? We haven’t done this in years.”

Five years, three months and twelve days had passed since the last time he and Alexis had video chatted. Video calls with Alexis had never been fun for David.They had been rushed and tense with Alexis asking him to express mail stuff to the nearest consulate and she would try to talk to him when she could.They had never really said goodbye, as Alexis usually would have to close out of whatever device she had managed to call him on in a hurry, and David would be left worrying for days until he heard from her again. This time, Alexis was sitting on the other end, hair cascading around her in her loose curls, grinning at him. 

She was safe.She was with Ted and she was safe.There were no drugs. There was no cargo. Just Alexis and Ted and a bunch of tortoises. 

“So fun.” He rolled his eyes at her for full effect and tried to make the pit in his stomach go away. “Your first call was Patrick?”

The man in question slid back to the stove as Alexis wrinkled her nose and flipped her hair. “Umm, excuse you,” Alexis corrected, “My first call was you because this is logged in to your Skype but Patrick answered and was able to talk about the proposal I had emailed to him.He may be my new favorite brother.”

“Thanks, Alexis,” Patrick called back. 

“How are the Galapagos?” 

Alexis beamed at him, and began gently pumping her hands at him. “Like, really, really good. David, I am here and it’s warm and is calm and there’s all these giant tortoises around just you know,” She began to move her hands, mimicking tortoise movement, “Plodding along, munching on grass,being cute.Anyways, I am also working on Alexis Rose Consulting, and I think with Patrick’s help, going to be organizing the cherry blossom festival over in Elm Valley!Eeee!”

“Really?” David asked, feeling the dread fall away and excitement begin to build.Stevie had ruined his last chance to see the cherry blossoms. “Like actually?”

“Well, yeah, if they accept my proposal. You’ll have free tickets to everything, I promise.”

This was still weird, Alexis being on a video call and nothing was wrong, Patrick just puttering around the kitchen behind him. “So things are good?” He asked, even though he knew the answer. 

His little sister’s eyes fluttered closed and he flashed back to her yelling at him that he hadn’t had to worry about her.She doesn’t look mad, though, there was a little smile on her face. “Mmm, yes, David. There’s no like, no dictators or trucks full of contraband to move. I’m good.”

“Good.”

Alexis took a deep breath in and let it out, setting David back on high alert. She said she was fine, but this move never started things off well. “So, anyways Mom told me that you won’t answer her calls.She’s upset. She wanted me to pass on her statement.”

“I don’t want to know!” David yelled at her. 

Alexis pulled a familiar, frustrated face.Her hands stared moving to punctuate her words. “You think I did, David!? I didn’t ask for any of this.She said, that, she is sorry if she embarrassed you both and that love is, and I quote, ‘Nothing to be ashamed of and our bodies are a natural tool of that love.’”

“Alexis!”

Alexis flapped both hands at him and pouted. “I know, David! But she made me promise to tell you and I can’t be the only one with these words in my head.She wanted me to finish by saying-“

“There’s more?” David interrupted, surprised he had it in him to be more horrified. “Please stop. Please, stop.”

“That she hopes you and Patrick have as much sex 40 years from now as she and Dad do,” Alexis blurted our as fast as she was capable of speaking. 

Sadly, David had heard every word. “Ughhh!!”

“I know! I know! Ewww.”Alexis shook her head, eyes closed.She paused and took three deep breaths before focusing on David, again.“Let’s all forget this happened. Have you started wedding planning?”

“I cannot right now,” he shot back. 

“It’s like a palate cleanser. We need to think happier thoughts with you and Patrick in your little tuxes,” she said, miming holding too little people in her hands walking up to each other. “Saying mushy things to each other.”

“We’ve only been engaged for two weeks.”

Alexis rolled her eyes at him. “You started thinking about it.”

David frowned at her.Damn, little sisters. “I haven’t finished the mood board.” 

“Go get it!” Alexis ordered, pointing wildly. 

“Fine.” David shoved away from the bar top and and noticed that Patrick was still blushing furiously, paying careful attention to garlic bread.David pressed a kiss to the back of Patrick’s neck and whispered, “I apologize on behalf of my whole family. They are the worst.”

“David, the mood board, please!Patrick will recover.At least he stayed. When Mom stared telling me everything, Ted was in the room. He left and hasn’t been back for two hours.”

Patrick made an unintelligible sound.David turned to stick his tongue out at Alexis through the screen. Alexis stuck hers back out and then shooed him. 

Pissed as he was by the whole incident, he missed her.Somehow he had to get though another five and three-quarters months of no-Alexis to tease and be teased by and gang up on their parents together. So, instead of continuing to argue with her he went and grabbed the presentation board from where he was storing it under the bed and brought it back and set it up in front of the screen.Alexis bit her lip as she examined it, and David bit his nails, glancing between her and the board every few seconds. 

“David, tilt the computer so I can see the top.”

“Put me back.” David picked up the computer and brought her with him to the table in the other corner of the kitchen, figuratively speaking. Once he positioned himself, Alexis stared at him with pursed lips. “David, it looks like a fancy version of your store,” she told him flatly. 

“I have an aesthetic!” David yelled at Alexis, unable to tamp his nerves down. 

“Clearly!” Alexis shouted back. 

“Nngh!” David yelled back at her. “This is why I didn’t want to do this. The last 24 hours have just been people with shitty ideas about where I should host the wedding.”

“First,” he said, holding one finger up, “Your friend, Twyla, wanted me to have it at the café complete with a tower of soggy mozzarella sticks.Second,” Another finger swiftly joined the second.“Dad and Stevie wanted me to get married at the motel so they could use me for promotional materials. Then, Ray came at the ungodly hour if 8 AM and proceeded to show me pictures of dilapidated properties and-AND called a colonial from 1955 a manor. And then, Roland and Jocelyn tried to talk me into reuniting marital bliss by getting married at the Elmdale Bingo Hall.I figure next Bob is going to suggest I get married inside his garage covered in car grease or Ronnie will offer the dilapidated sports ball court with her name on it and we can use the cracks in the pavement to delineate spaces.”

“And now I-WE” he corrected, quickly, before Patrick could say anything. “-have to come up with a place so we can tell people we really appreciate their ideas but we found a better one. But you know, in a nicer way.”

“Mmm, show me the board again.”

David got up and walked back with the laptop so Alexis faced the board again. Eventually, after he had worried a patch of skin loose on his lip, he heard her say, “What’s your budget?”

“What? I don’t know,” David said as he lifted Alexis to face him. He sniffed as he said, “We haven’t gotten that far.” He headed back for the table so he could sit while he worried. 

What he didn’t say was that he knew he couldn’t spend the $200,000 he had once planned to spend on his wedding when he had been 14 and his imaginary spouse changed between a variety of people.Then, after all the people who didn’t love him back, David had planned other people’s weddings, in his head, for exorbitant amounts of money. He knew what they could probably afford but couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. 

“Patrick, what’s the budget?” Alexis called out.She had a pen in her hand.

Patrick didn’t look up from his cooking. The blush in the back of his neck had receded. “15.” David reminded himself that Patrick knew who he was getting married to and that was 15,000, not hundred or just regular dollars.“That gives us a cushion if things go sideways.”

“And the priorities?” Alexis asked, writing as she asked. 

Patrick wiped his hands on a towel. “Food, then probably florals/decor and outfits.”

“So, but, like, not a lot on the venue?”

“I mean, we don’t want an abandoned lot,” Patrick quipped and David sent him a sour look.The lots were not funny. 

“Mmm.Oh, dummies,” Alexis said happily, her eyes popping open. “What about Mutt’s barn?”

“What?”

“Mutt’s barn.” Alexis repeated, giving him another eye roll.“By the time I did it up for Single’s Week, I had it looking really good. Remember?” Her hands landed back in what David had always thought of as her rabbit position. 

David frowned deep at her. “Umm, we didn’t go because we weren’t single, remember?”

“Unghh!Fine. I am sending you pictures right now.”Alexis furiously tapped away at her phone. “There. Think about it ok.I will look up some other places but I think we can make this totally fit your aesthetic. As we wouldn’t be paying at all for the space or anything you can pick higher quality linens and chairs.”

Alexis wrote a few more things on the pad at her side.Then, she looked up and grinned. “Alright, well, I am going to go make sure that Ted didn’t get eaten by tortoises or anything.We will talk about this next time. Finish the mood board. Love you.”

With that Alexis signed off and David’s phone began buzzing as the texts came in.David opened the pictures and stared at them.The colors Alexis had used were bolder, going with her black and gold motif for singles week, but it didn’t look entirely like a barn. 

“It doesn’t look terrible,” he muttered, still staring at the pictures. 

Patrick came over and pressed his lips to David’s temple. “Why don’t we feed you? You’ve had a long day.”

David leaned into Patrick’s body beside him. “I have. It smells good.Like really good.”

“Alright, well, let’s put the mood board away.”

Patrick straightened to start plating up food but, David kept staring at the pictures Alexis had sent. Scrolling back and forth though them all, considering all the possibilities. This was a lot. It was a ton of decisions to make in a town full of nosey people. Everything felt like it was too much and he could hear that his breathing had gotten more rapid. 

“Why don’t we just elope?” He asked, voice an octave too high. “Just get in the car and drive and get married and come back and tell everyone we are already married and not to bother us again.”

“David, we aren’t eloping.”

David opened his mouth to argue and found a forkful of pesto gnocchi in his face.Well, that was probably better than fighting.He took a bite and let himself enjoy every moment, closing his eyes and paying attention to every flavor. 

“David,” Patrick stared, kissing David in the temple again and making him feel all safe and loved. “Even if I thought you didn’t want a fancy wedding with people that love us, and this mood board suggests otherwise, I don’t think we could get away with eloping.”

“Why not?” 

“Because,” Patrick told him, swiveling the laptop to face him, clicking around, before turning it back to face David. “I was just sent this email from my mother.”

_Patrick,_

_Your father and I are still so pleased that David accepted your proposal. He’s a sweet and wonderful young man. We cannot wait to officially welcome him to the family._

_I do have questions about the logistics of a two groom wedding:_

  * _Is a wedding shower still a thing?_
  * _If yes, who throws it? Is it a joint responsibility?_
  * _Is the rehearsal dinner a joint responsibility?_

David stared at the list of 15 or more questions that continued after the initial three and then looked at Patrick.Patrick was looking past him at the computer screen. “I know. That’s a whole other conversation.” Patrick closed the laptop and began moving it and the mood board out of the way. “The point is my mom is ready to help plan and your mom has sent at least five different Mother-of-the-Groom dresses, that, lets be honest, look a lot like wedding dresses, for your approval.”

David picked up his phone and started scrolling though the pictures of Mutt’s barn. Alexis had done a really nice job with decor and decorations.It had been last minute, too. She’d lost her original place and had to throw this together in a matter of days.If she had months to put together their wedding venue. 

“I don’t hate it.” David said out loud. He looked at Patrick who had two warm plates of food, and bless him garlic bread.Still, David had questions. “Do you hate it? Do you think that a barn is too cliche?Like are we leaning too far into theme?I know we’re out here in bumpkin land but is it too much?”

Patrick places both plates down in the table and cleanly snatched the phone out of David’s hand and locked it.“We have a very long time to figure out what we want our wedding to look like. We don’t have a date and you haven’t finished your mood board.”Then, Patrick had the audacity to put it in a drawer.He came back to lean over David and press a kiss to his lips. “Right now, you’re going to eat dinner and then we are going to spend the night not thinking about the wedding, okay.”

“Okay,” David answered, a giggle escaping his lips. “Tell me more, Mr. Brewer. What else am I going to do tonight?”

Patrick just looked at him with those steady, brown eyes. A small smile played around his lips. Fingers skimmed up his back and another kiss was pressed to his temple. “Eat.” Patrick whispered into his ear. “You’re going to need your strength for later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me to the end, or joining us here. This is the first serial fic I have written in awhile that I have actually completed. Thanks to this lovely community for being so warm and welcoming. All errors are entirely mine. 
> 
> Final thanks to Dan Levy and the whole cast of Schitt’s Creek for this world that’s been created that’s beyond inspiring.


End file.
